youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
