I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
he high fived his dick after we had sex
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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