So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
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