I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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