my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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