She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
