I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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