I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
