Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
