Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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