Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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