fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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