Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
