wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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