The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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