Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
