He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
