saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I think I am morally bankrupt
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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