We're facebook friends in real life
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
