My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I forget how to act sober
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
