please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
