I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
