the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
