I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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