I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
