it wasn't lemon gatorade
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
