Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
