Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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