Church boner. Awkwardddd
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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