i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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