I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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