new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
