So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
