38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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