You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We are two peas in an std pod
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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