after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
