Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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