So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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