Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
