Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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