There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
