I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
