he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
