Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
porn star boner night. come get it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
