y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
