My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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