So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
