so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
