Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
