i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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