my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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