His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
