every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
