I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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