Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
