I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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