as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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