I CAN MOONWALK!
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
