Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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