Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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